Always Remeber to pack in extra oxygen...

Today we went to the Paint Mines out in Calhan. It was windy and cool but the beauty more than made up for the cold wind. One thing you will learn about when on oxygen is that wind makes it very difficult to breath in enough oxygen. We braved our way through the wind and made our way deeper into the cayon type land. We were greeted by bone white, golden yellow, and sunset red rocks. We also found several hoodoo's and some caves. Then once we made it to the bottom we walked along the dry creekbed. Were one would suddenly find themselves transported to another world. You could almost imagion that you were walking on the moon instead of here on Earth.
 The Paint Mines were used by the Native Americans to make paint for their clay pottery. Later on they were used by early settlers to make mud bricks for building houses. Not only that but you could see the layers of history 55 million years of life there.
 One the way out my oxygen tank ran out, another problem with wind, you don't notice you are out of oxygen until to late. The girls ran a head to get my extra tank from the car. I continued to will myself up the hill stopping to take brakes as I needed. These kind of moments can be super scary and if you don't keep your head you are going to end up having more problems. If you start freaking out you will just raise your heart rate and then end up sucking more oxygen that you don't have. You have to take slow breath's in through your nose and purse your lips as you breath out. Even though it was cold and we had the oxygen scare it was still a wonderful day. Hope to add some pictures soon.

Goal's set them and stick with them

Goal's are a good thing just don't get to upset with yourself if you end up needing a little more time. We can set goal's for ourselves, we can do things just because our bodies have new limitations doesn't mean we should give up and plant our butt's on the sofa and watch life tick by. It will and end the end you will be scared and begging for more time. Look tomorrow isn't promised to anybody and just because you have been diagnosed with lung disease or some other disease doesn't mean that your number is up now. "Don't go gently into that good-night instead fight against the dying of the light." You can't fight death it comes for us all but you can make the most out of the time you have. Some of the goal's I have set are to attend the temple for my work to be done and then to stand for my grandmother as her work is done. Another goal I have one that I'm hoping to do this year is to go to the top of Pikes Peak,this one will be done on the train and not by foot. I want to spend as much of this Summer doing things with my family, hiking, fishing, camping, visiting museums and so on. Find things you want to do call it goal's, a bucket list, whatever just set your goal's keeping in mind that not all of them maybe achievable or you might have to set sometime as longer term goal's. Do thing's that will bring you joy say sorry to that person you hurt, tell that special somebody you love them, go see the places you always wanted to see. Just don't give up, give a good fight and remember you aren't dying from lung disease or illness you are living with it. You are a fighter, you have declaired war on your illness and though you may not win all the battles you will be the victor in the end. Why? Because you lived, you loved, you got out and did the things you wanted to do. And in the end when death comes to your door you will gladly walk through that door knowing that you didn't give in that you didn't give up. You will know that you didn't waste your small twinkling of time.

That Overwhelmed Feeling....

Today like many days I'm having that overwhelmed feeling. I look at the house not completely a mess I know it can look better. My body on the other hand doesn't agree. I feel beat I'm not sure why I haven't done that much today. There are so many more things I hoped to do today I have been working on washing and putting away the laundry. So at least I have done something today and sometimes you have to celebrate the small victories instead of holding out for the big moments. Remember, to find ways to treat yourself for even the small things. Have a piece of chocolate, give yourself an hour with a good book, take a bubble bath or whatever. Just something to reward yourself for doing something, anything on those hard days when you really don't want to do anything. 

Weekend....

Yesterday we took a small hike around Bear Creek Nature Center, we ended up getting rained out. But it was nice to breath the fresh air and get the heart pumping just a bit. Then, we went to Drifter's to eat. These things are important you have to remember to slow down, we need days that we can spend with family. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the busy to- do list you need to find time just to be. Sometimes for me that's reading a book while soaking in a hot tubby. Other times it's getting out with the family building memories. Those are the things that don't go away, we forget the gift's we were given, money comes and it goes, candy doesn't last but happy memories last a lifetime.
 Sunday's are spent at church, that is my day where I can connect with Heavenly Father. Where I can renew my walk with the Lord. I can feel my light glow brighter and my soul is lighter. In my chest lingers the warmth, the Holy Ghost left to let me know that Jesus Christ died for my sins and He lives again. Sunday's are my day to learn what Heavenly Father has planned for my life. A quiet day where I can rest and find peace before the busy week. We all need to find a place or way that we can decompress. The weekend's are that way for me.

The Mountains are calling

The mountains are calling my name there is something about being in the mountains. I'm not sure I can explain it really but I'm going to give it a try. When we are head towards the mountains I can feel this ball of tension just leave my body. When I'm there everything goes away, there is no stress, no worry, just the sound of my shoes crunching on the gravel, the wind whistling through the tree's and creatures hidden scampering away. The world rights itself and I'm at peace, I can feel the Spirit of my Creater all around me. I can see His hand at work in all that surrounds me. In the mountains I can be me, the mountains don't care if I'm overweight, they aren't concerned with the fashions I do or don't wear and they don't care if I'm all gussied up or not. All the mountains care about is that I come by to visit them. They want me to hear the songs they sing. To see the sculptures they have craved from stone with wind and water. I have no words that can even begin to express the beauty of the mountains.

And then there are those days....

There are days when I have tons of energy and others were getting out of bed seems to physically demanding. I have had to learn how to put blinders on when I walk through my house. I was the type of person who cleaned my house from top to bottom everyday. Now there are days were things just don't get done. I have had to learn to accept that I had to learn that I can only do what I can when I can. Some days I have the energy just not the mental willpower to get things done. Some days just seem more overwhelming than others. I have had to learn how to ask and accept help, something I still struggle with to this day. I was raised that you never ask for help and if you have to then you don't ever look any farther than your own family. I have had to learn that asking for help doesn't mean that the disease has won. I have come to understand that I have to do things differently, I need to understand that I can't expect to be the way I was. It doesn't mean that I have gave in to my disease, it means that I'm not alone in my battle. We don't send one person to fight a war we send the entire army. We all have to learn our limitations we can try to overcome them or improve from them but first we have to know them. Rome wasn't built in a day so as a person with lung disease why do I think I can do it all in a day?
 Some days just getting out of the house seems just to much a hassle. When you are on oxygen there is no just running down the street. You have to be aware of where you are going, how long you plan to get there and how much oxygen you have. You always have to make sure you have back up just in case.
 There are days were just having to wear the oxygen around the house can be a real pain. The cannula, the tube that blows the oxygen in the nose, will get hung up on stuff all of the time. My kids and dogs are always tripping on mine causing it to rip off of my face and from behind my ears. It's not a pleasant feeling. I get the tubing hooked on things and not realize it until I almost break my neck. Vacuuming can be a pain in the butt, you have to keep your tube and the cord from getting a tangled together. And sucking the tube up in the vacuum isn't that fun either. Carrying laundry baskets can  prove to be a challenge all on their own, for one you have to make sure you don't trip and fall over your own cannula. Plus with the way my house is set up my cannula always gets hook around the dog's bowl's which isn't that bad when they aren't full of food and water. Have you ever slammed a door in your own face? I have, my cannula gets stuck under the door  and as I walk in or out of the room it slams the door shut.
 There are tons of things that keep us down but you can't give in or give up. It's hard I know. I have days were I just don't have the energy but I still make myself get up and do something, it might just be as simple as taking a shower but I did it. I got up I didn't just lay there I did something. Have plans in place for the days you know you are going to be tired if you have days were you have lot going on make sure you have quick fix meals in the freezer. Don't plan to clean the house and go grocery shopping all in one day. Find ways to do things in a easier way, don't feel ashamed to ask for help. Remember to break things down if them seem to overwhelming. Just don't give up. You will feel better about yourself if you do something, anything.

What makes me special?

So what makes so special? Why would anybody want to read about my life? Well, first of all I'm not special, never have thought of myself that way really, that's why I wanted to do this blog was just like everybody else. I was just an average Joe who was struggling to make it through life and really nothing has change. But that is the beauty of it,if I were some famous athlete or celebrity then the average person would be like, "Oh well, yeah she is doing all of this because she has all of these people to help or because she was already in really good health."  I'm not sure anybody will ever read this blog and if they don't that is okay I least put it out there and I won't have to wonder"what if". Do I think anybody cares about my story? Well no I don't really I'm not doing this so everybody can say oh poor o2 lady she has it so bad. To be honest I'm not really sure what to do or think when people show me pity. What I want to do is show people who are facing a life threatening disease that you don't have to just lay down and die.
 My step-dad struggled with bad health and lung disease for most if not in some part of his whole life. He was facing death the only thing that would save him was a lung transplant he put his name on the list and waited. He grew sicker and sicker all of the time, you could tell he was running out of time. He was always talking about the things he still wanted to do he wasn't ready to die. Then the day came when he got the call he was getting a new pair of lungs, he was getting his second chance at life. He would be able to do the things he had wanted to do. After the lung transplant he lived but he had no life. He was worried about rejection at even the slightest hint something was wrong he would work himself into a panic. As time went on he feared rejection more and more he stopped going places.He started staying locked up in his house. He became more and more fearful not of just rejection but life in general. Then it happened he went into rejection and this time there was no second chance. He didn't want to face death he wanted more time but he wasted the time he had been given. He wanted to be put on the transplant list again. But his heart wasn't up to the task and he ended up having to face the death he feared so much. That's why I refuse to waste the time I have been giving. I'm not going to lay down and cry about the time I'm going to lose. I'm going to get out there enjoy the time I have make the most of what I got. I wanted make memories with my family, see the places I want to see and do the things I wanted to do. Now because of the oxygen there are a lot of places I won't be able to go to but that is okay. I'll do what I can when I can.

And it starts....

Well, I guess I'll start this by introducing myself, I'm a 30 year old mother of two daughter's. I have been married for 12 years to my loving husband. I live in Colorado and have all of my life, I love it here. I always loved getting out in the mountains, hiking, fishing or just hanging out. Almost 3 years ago I started having trouble my chest felt tight and I would get short of breath easily. My heart felt like would jump right out of my chest you could see my neck pulsate. I went to the doctor think I was coming down with an upper respiratory infection. But all he could find was that my blood pressure was high. He put me on some meditation to help with the problem and wanted me to monitor my blood pressure at home see if he could find a reason or pattern. The med's never really helped and the shortness of breath continued to be a problem I started missing more and more work because I was just so exhausted. When I did make it to work I would have to come in early so that I could recover from the walk into the hospital I worked for. I felt like I was always on the verge of passing out, I could see clearly but there was blackness and star burst on the side of my vision. I started struggling with words I couldn't remember things I was struggling to stay just above water. My hands were dark red, then purplish and towards the end the finger tips were blackish. I continued this way for about three months when I couldn't take it anymore I woke up from a nap and still felt exhausted. My husband became panicked when the entire bottom half of my face had turned blue. We took the kids to my mother's house and dropped them off with her. Then we headed into the emergency department, they checked my oxygen levels they were at 70% and five minutes later they dropped to 40%. They quickly put me on oxygen and rushed us to a room. Then came the whirlwind being rushed from one test to another. Then nothing...we sat in that room for hours. Every now and then they would come in a turn the oxygen down. Then they came in and turned it off and with minutes I was back were I started. They decided to admit me while they tried to figure out what was going on.... they thought it was asthma and work it's self out with the oxygen. Two days later I was released with no really answers they still didn't know what was going on so they sent me home with the oxygen and had me follow up with my regular doctor. Months went by they ran every test they could think of they tried several things but nothing work. After months of testing and trying they sent me to the University Hospital were they finally got me stabilize. They still don't really know what kind of lung disease I have how or why I got or what to do about it. I did a lot research when I first became ill and most sites I found said that people who waited as long as I did to get treatment were put in ICU and most of those didn't ever make it out of there. That is when I decided I wouldn't lay down and let this kill me... I would keep fighting not just by going to the doctor and working with the treatments but I would find ways to get out and enjoy the things I had enjoyed before. Not everyday is a good day some days I struggle to do the smallest amount. But I continue to push forward because I don't want to go to my death bed with tons of regrets I know we all must have some and there are alot of those that because of my health I never be able to do but why not make the most out the ones I can do. Well, guess that's a good start for today.