Lesson's Learned From Nature.

We went hiking yesterday in Pike National Forest. We walked around lake Manitou, which is what the picture is, I saw many things yesterday but I learned many others. First, I learned that sometimes we need to just be quiet and listen, in the quiet moments things can become so much clearer. The second, thing I learned is that everybody and everything has a purpose in this world. God, made us all. He had a plan for all of us. The animal's never stop to wonder why they are here. They don't worry that they aren't good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. They don't think they are above doing the work they are doing. They just happily go and do. The fourth, thing I learned is we have to stop and smell the flowers.  

We get so caught up in the hustle of life, the none stop demands of life, that we forget to take a moment and just take a deep breath. We need to stop fearing the quiet and worrying about being the best and just listen. In that moment when you are standing completely still, listening to the the sounds of the natural world, the frog sing his song, the wind whistling through the tree's, the birds calling to each other, and maybe even the sound of water babbling by, that's when you can truly hear His words. As we were leaving we decided to drive a little deeper into the forest. Where we found the ruins of a forest fire, one that had scorched the land a few years ago. As we drove by there tons of tree's that were dead completely burnt but the grass was coming back and the were small tree's starting to grow. Out of the ashes new life was being to grow. Some tree's were completely burnt on one side and still green and very much alive on the other, that tree was learning how to adapt to what it had. So, the last thing, I learned yesterday was that when our life seems to have burnt down around us we need to remember to care for the new life that will grow out of the ashes. We need to stopping crying for what we don't have or complaining about what we can't do. We must learn to adapt to our new life and continue to grow.                                                       

Hero's

Hero's are important...now I'm not talking about celeberties I mean you need to find people who have faced your disease and overcame it. My grandma is one of my biggest hero's she was an amazing woman who loved her family and would do anything for them. She was strong and compassionate all at the same time. She didn't do anything "note worthy" she was just a house wife and mother. She didn't save the world but she was mine. My grandma was one of the constances in my life. No matter what I did or where I did she never stopped loving me. She would always say, "I will always love you but it doesn't mean that I have to like what you do." Family was her everything she didn't have dreams of traveling she was happy being surrounded by those she loved, the little kids always found a special place in her heart. I could always turn to her when I needed a kind ear or soft shoulder. No matter what went wrong in life her Faith in God never wavered. She never questioned anything He put in her life. When she was dianosed with breast cancer she was scarred but she was also determned that she would overcome this. She fought with all of her might doing everything the doctor's told her to do always praying to God asking to be healed if it was His plan. She never questioned "why me, God?" she never said "there must be no God because of what's happening" she knew God had a plan for her life and never once questioned His love for her. When she pronouced cancer free it was a great day indeed. Knowing that she had truely been given a gift, the gift of life, she didn't waste a single day. She made sure to spend time with her family, she pour over her bible daily, she prayed often and she was quick to forgive. It's hard to put into words just how awe inspiring she was too me. She to me was perfect, not in the way that she never did anything wrong, but perfect in the ways of the Lord.

 Then came that horrorible day when we found out the cancer had returned, it broke my heart to picture my life without my grandma in it. She was determined to live long enough so that my girl's would know her and remember her. In this she succeeded she lived for several years, enduring the effects of radiation and cemo just so she could have a few more years with her family. In the end the cancer spread to her lungs and the cemo wasn't working anymore. It was one of my biggest fear's to face my grandma's death. I sat in a hospital room and watched her die, in that moment I gained a testomny. Knew right then that there was indeed a God and that my grandma was being welcomed into His kingdom by those that she loved, who had went before her. I never saw fear, she knew where she would go and what a waited her. She had no regreats she had lived her life exactly how she want too. She had spent her time with her family,and she hadn't given into cancer. She always told me she wasn't dieing from cancer she was living with it. She died a hero's death, she died fighting a war against cancer, she was brave and strong and made sure we knew everyday just how much she loved us.  

6th Month Visit

Yesterday was my 6th month visit to my lung specialist my lung function has shown a slight improvement so I can try coming off of the immune suppressant meds. Which is cool. Then in 6 weeks I'll go back and as long as my lungs are good I get to stay off of those med's. So, here's hoping I can stay of off the med's because they can become toxic to your body after awhile. 
 Today is my birthday and spent the weekend with my family bowling which was very fun. I even got up there and bowled at great time was had by all. I don't know what my score was because it wasn't about winning or losing it was about being there in the moment having a good time. I refuse to let my disability take everything away from me I  know that there are things I won't ever be able to do again or in the same way but I will not allow it to put me on the sidelines.

Expires..........

Okay so now you been diagnosed with some scary sounding disease that you know can't be good. But before you completely give up go into the bathroom completely remove your clothes. Check all over your body I'm pretty sure you will not find something that says use before such and such date or expires on.... What is important is to make sure you live a full happy life. People anymore get so caught up in quantity of life and not the quality of life. I don't see the point in living until I'm 90 if I'm going to spend that time hooked up to machines and miserable. A lifetime in most ways is just a small amount of time why waste that time looking over your shoulder for death. Go out and do the things you want to do or enjoy doing. 

Search out the quiet

Some days are crazy and busy, because I'm not just a person with lung disease, I'm a mom with lung disease. I have to tween daughter's who have many places to go and things to do. Just because I'm dealing with a long term illness doesn't mean life stops, things continue to go on with or without me. I like to find some point in the day when I can shut down for a few minutes. Search out the quiet, turn off the distractions and wrap the peace around me. I take that time to take some deep, well as deep as I can, breath's, sometimes I use this time reflect on things that are troubling me, sometimes I turn my brain off just like the TV, other times I take this time to have a conversation with Heavenly Father or to read my scriptures. I'm not saying you should read the bible, though it couldn't hurt to find some spirituality, I'm saying take a few minutes turn off the TV or radio, turn the ringer down on the phones, walk away from the computer for a minute and there be silence. If it's nice outside go out and let the sun warm your face. Personally I love to go play in the rain in the Summertime. Sometimes I go to my room where it is always dark because sometimes I find even the light to be to loud and demanding. Sometimes, I have to lock myself in the bathroom with a hot bubble bath and a good book. The point is at some point in the day take a step back, let the silence catch you and let yourself be at peace.

Always Remeber to pack in extra oxygen...

Today we went to the Paint Mines out in Calhan. It was windy and cool but the beauty more than made up for the cold wind. One thing you will learn about when on oxygen is that wind makes it very difficult to breath in enough oxygen. We braved our way through the wind and made our way deeper into the cayon type land. We were greeted by bone white, golden yellow, and sunset red rocks. We also found several hoodoo's and some caves. Then once we made it to the bottom we walked along the dry creekbed. Were one would suddenly find themselves transported to another world. You could almost imagion that you were walking on the moon instead of here on Earth.
 The Paint Mines were used by the Native Americans to make paint for their clay pottery. Later on they were used by early settlers to make mud bricks for building houses. Not only that but you could see the layers of history 55 million years of life there.
 One the way out my oxygen tank ran out, another problem with wind, you don't notice you are out of oxygen until to late. The girls ran a head to get my extra tank from the car. I continued to will myself up the hill stopping to take brakes as I needed. These kind of moments can be super scary and if you don't keep your head you are going to end up having more problems. If you start freaking out you will just raise your heart rate and then end up sucking more oxygen that you don't have. You have to take slow breath's in through your nose and purse your lips as you breath out. Even though it was cold and we had the oxygen scare it was still a wonderful day. Hope to add some pictures soon.

Goal's set them and stick with them

Goal's are a good thing just don't get to upset with yourself if you end up needing a little more time. We can set goal's for ourselves, we can do things just because our bodies have new limitations doesn't mean we should give up and plant our butt's on the sofa and watch life tick by. It will and end the end you will be scared and begging for more time. Look tomorrow isn't promised to anybody and just because you have been diagnosed with lung disease or some other disease doesn't mean that your number is up now. "Don't go gently into that good-night instead fight against the dying of the light." You can't fight death it comes for us all but you can make the most out of the time you have. Some of the goal's I have set are to attend the temple for my work to be done and then to stand for my grandmother as her work is done. Another goal I have one that I'm hoping to do this year is to go to the top of Pikes Peak,this one will be done on the train and not by foot. I want to spend as much of this Summer doing things with my family, hiking, fishing, camping, visiting museums and so on. Find things you want to do call it goal's, a bucket list, whatever just set your goal's keeping in mind that not all of them maybe achievable or you might have to set sometime as longer term goal's. Do thing's that will bring you joy say sorry to that person you hurt, tell that special somebody you love them, go see the places you always wanted to see. Just don't give up, give a good fight and remember you aren't dying from lung disease or illness you are living with it. You are a fighter, you have declaired war on your illness and though you may not win all the battles you will be the victor in the end. Why? Because you lived, you loved, you got out and did the things you wanted to do. And in the end when death comes to your door you will gladly walk through that door knowing that you didn't give in that you didn't give up. You will know that you didn't waste your small twinkling of time.